Dream scene #2

Basta parang I was kidnapped and locked in a room. Yung 2 nakabantay sa room ko, parehong hunks. Ang lalaki ng katawan, pero mukhang pretty boys. Sila yung tipong jock types na hindi sasantuhin mga kalaban nila. Tapos, basta na-realise ko na lang na kaya kong maging invisible. I was able to sneak out of that room. Ang liit ng katawan ko ah pero I was able to handle them both. I grabbed them both by the hair and forced them to kiss each other's lips. Shucks, sila ang naghahalikan pero ramdam ko kung gaano kalalambot mga labi nila at to be fair bagay silang dalawa. Sayang, nagising ako.

How indie am I?

Indie Personality Test Results

52% Indie Scoring highly suggests you are likely to be very liberal, independent minded, self identify as an outsider, shun materialism and popular culture, and have an aversion to organized religion. While high scorers are more intellectual than average, they are probably more artistically astute than intellectually avante guard (i.e. they are more likely to know of new interesting new bands/artists/writers than the best way to extract energy from a hydrogen atom. Low scorers, will generally tend towards the opposite of the above. They will tend to be more materialistic, conservative, corporate friendly, social and are more likely to be religious.

Take Free Indie Personality Test
by Indie Harbor.com

Which office moron am I?

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

Whataya want from me?

Title: Whataya Want from Me
Artist: Adam Lambert
Album: For Your Entertainment


Hey, slow it down
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn't give a damn
But now here we are
So whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And it's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly

There might have been a time
When I would let you step away
I wouldn't even try but I think
You could save my life

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up on me
I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

So
Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
(Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me 

Dream scene #1

(I will try my best to once in a while paint a picture of my dreams, as I recall them. I believe that whenever we have dreams, they are somewhat channels to unlock what's in our subconscious mind.)


I was in an airport one November morning. (I think it's past the 18th of the month, not sure of what year it is in the future. 2010 or 2011?) While waiting to board my plane which will take me to Wellington for a 6-month stay there, I decided to call up a good PLU friend. I haven't told anyone outside my family of my travel plans. So there I dialled up his number to break the news. First attempt to reach him, a girl answered the phone. She introduced herself as PLU friend's work colleague. Friend is currently off his desk, she mentioned. Call back shortly. OK, just as I already got my boarding pass, I decided to call him up again. Time is running out for me. Second time, he finally responded. I told him the news that I'm leaving. His response was a puzzling "Oh". Not sure if those 2 letters ended with a question mark or a period or an exclamation mark..

My eyes opened up, seeing that it's still dark outside.

Positivity

After a rather emotionally draining day, I just decided out of jest to take a long stroll from Ayala MRT Station to Legaspi Park then back (to think that my shuttle terminal is just beside the MRT Station). While taking that long route, my attempt to cry 'coz of many usual personal issues (trivial or otherwise) was in vain. But sometime during that walk, I just sensed something different, something comforting. Maybe has to do with the adrenaline rush, but whatever it is, I felt like I can think straight now. I just realised that these circumstances I've been facing, many of them are products of the mind games I play.

I'm kinda anxious of being with people in general, primarily 'coz of nagging thoughts that the other party already have a pre-defined negative impression of me or that I'm not worthy of his/her company. Let's see - I have this long-standing issues with my physical looks and how it affects my potential to be someone's SO sooner or later. For me, I still look too geeky and physically unappealing to be someone's beau.

I just illustrated how my thoughts shape my actions, responses and behaviour in general. In turn, these shaped how I interacted with other people and perceived myself. During that moment of "brilliance", I just realised (not for the first time, but maybe it's a bit vivid to me now) that maybe it's about time I reinforce my own thoughts. At the end of the day, I have myself as my own ally, regardless on whether I have zero or a bunch of friends.

Thoughts won't change reality as it comes and unveils itself, but I believe they'll be huge help in changing my outlook as to how I view myself and others. Allow me to share some positive reinforcements I came up for myself:

- I'm someone worth knowing, liking and loving. Likewise, someone out there also deserves to be known, liked and loved.
- Believe it or not myself, I make someone in the universe smile just by thoughts of me.
- Regardless on when or whether the SO will come, my ability to love is not defined by his/her presence in my life.
- I am handsome in someone else's eyes.
- There's someone out there who would be willing to trade shoes with me.

I may be verging on delusion with some of these "reinforcements", but I can say is that having been focused on  the negative side of things for one too many moments, somehow I'm still grounded on reality that things won't easily change. I just hope that whenever I feel down, I get even the tiniest boost of confidence and reason just to get going with life and all its hurdles.

First Date Quiz

Your result for This test will tell you what your perfect first date is!...

The Comedy Club/Cabaret Show Date

Why not try looking on your local listings guide for upcoming gigs?

You are a pretty confident person but like the rest of us you sometimes struggle to keep a constant patter of chit chat going. You feel most comfortable with your close friends and family who would probably describe you as funny and entertaining.
Your ideal 1st date would be in a Comedy Club or Cabaret Show, this means that you can chat to your date in between acts and gives you lots to discuss afterwards.
Make sure you choose something you both like though, you don't want to make the first date uncomfortable for the both of you.
Good Luck!

Take This test will tell you what your perfect first date is! at OkCupid

The Dating Persona Test

The Slow Dancer
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Steady, reliable, and cradling him tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer
Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you’re a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There’s also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The men left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal man is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.
While you’re not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it’s HIGHLY likely they’re just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

What's your dating persona?

No pain..

For the longest time, the rebel in me wants to get this:

I'm not really very much into ear piercings, but I'm really fascinated on sporting one on my left eyebrow.

I'm stanned

Name: Stan Walker

Candy Creds:

• He's an Australian of Kiwi descent and the 7th and latest winner of Australian Idol (where Guy Sebastian came from). His first single "Black Box" is currently #1 in the RIANZ Singles chart and inside the Top 5 of ARIA Singles chart.
• I've got this thing for baldies. Well technically he's sporting a close-cropped haircut, but I love how his exotic yet innocent looking face (but with shrewd undertone) is exposed for me to die for and kiss non-stop the world to see.
• I'm not really cool with tattoos until recently, but I feel like I wanna be a vampire right now.
• Seeing his face, I'm all the more inspired to finally consult a dermatologist.

(Photo taken from his last.fm account)

Where are your friends tonight?

I first heard this song almost around this time 2 years ago. This was my first exposure to "non-mainstream" music, since for the longest time I was solely dependent on what's on the music charts. Also, around this time, I was experiencing intense "withdrawal" brought about by my 3 months' stint in Wellington. I was missing my friends, my surrounding, my independence, my life, my everything when I was still there.

With all these mentioned, I must say that I loved this from the first listen, so much that I decided to check out tracks from this artist.

Title: All My Friends
Artist: LCD Soundsystem
Album: Sound of Silver

That's how it starts.
We go back to your house.
We check the charts,
And start to figure it out.

And if it's crowded, all the better,
because we know we're gonna be up late.
But if you're worried about the weather
then you picked the wrong place to stay.
That's how it starts.

And so it starts.
You switch the engine on.
We set controls for the heart of the sun,
one of the ways we show our age.

And if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up
and I still don't wanna stagger home.
Then it's the memory of our betters
that are keeping us on our feet.

You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan,
and the next five years trying to be with your friends again.

You're talking 45 turns just as fast as you can,
yeah, I know it gets tired, but it's better when we pretend.

It comes apart,
the way it does in bad films.
Except in parts,
when the moral kicks in.

Though when we're running out of the drugs
and the conversation's winding away.
I wouldn't trade one stupid decision
for another five years of lies.

You drop the first ten years just as fast as you can,
and the next ten people who are trying to be polite.
When you're blowing eighty-five days in the middle of France,
Yeah, I know it gets tired only where are your friends tonight?

And to tell the truth.
Oh, this could be the last time.
So here we go,
like a sail's force into the night

And if I made a fool, if I made a fool, if I made a fool
on the road, there's always this.
And if I'm sewn into submission,
I can still come home to this.

And with a face like a dad and a laughable stand,
you can sleep on the plane or review what you said.
When you're drunk and the kids leave impossible tasks
you think over and over, "hey, I'm finally dead."

Oh, if the trip and the plan come apart in your hand,
you look contorted on yourself your ridiculous prop.
You forgot what you meant when you read what you said,
and you always knew you were tired, but then,
where are your friends tonight?

Where are your friends tonight?
Where are your friends tonight?

If I could see all my friends tonight,
If I could see all my friends tonight,
If I could see all my friends tonight,
If I could see all my friends tonight

#10yearsago

1. I was a high school junior back then and I fell short of entering the Grand Finals of Digital LG Quiz's first season, by missing a word in the correct answer to the final question during the last Quarterly Finals. Partida, I had chicken pox when that episode was taped and we were asking if they can re-schedule. Since they didn't approve of the idea, I showed up and had foundation applied to my face to cover up those spots. Anyway, had I made it all the way, the finale would have been aired on my 15th birthday. I still have some old photos and the video footages are hidden in my parents' closet, but I'm too ashamed to show to the world how uber-geeky and freaky I looked back then (not that I'm no longer geeky and freaky hahahaha).
2. During the summer break, I started tuning in to MTV which was still a blocktimer in Studio 23. Prior to that "groundbreaking" moment, my musical taste depended on what my parents were playing in the car or living room stereo - mostly religious songs or those that are being played in adult-contemporary FM stations.
   One of the first music videos I saw was *NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye". While my early favourites turned out to be "baduy" when compared to my classmates' (most of them were into the alternative genre), I can say that this was the stepping stone for me to explore my own musical preferences. More importantly, this was the point when I started making my own choices. I remember though that my parents didn't initially like the idea of us watching too much  MTV. They often point out the sexual stuff, the inane lyrics and the non-soothing melodies on the music videos being shown.
   
3. I first "discovered" that I'm attracted to guys. I started to notice that I'm feeling some movement under my underwear whenever I see photos of hot guys. However, with me becoming involved with youth group in church, I was thinking that it's a sin. Hence I feel guilt-stricken and pray for forgiveness immediately after wanking to my heart's delight while looking at those magazine/newspaper photos of those hunks. I promised not to do it again but days or weeks will pass by and the cycle repeats.
   Also, during that time I had female crushes as well. (To my defense, it wasn't my intention to use them to cover up the "tension" brewing in me, it's just that there are really attractive and intelligent girls in my batch.) I remember, I even got elected as the class escort (napagkatuwaan lang nila actually hahaha) and the muse was the new girl in our batch whom I remember for her attractive eyes when she smiles.
4. I started to realise what an odd ball I was, i.e. I was too geeky to function. My life back then was basically school, house and a bit of church on weekends. I remember one summer when my classmates boarded a jeep and saw me with my mom and siblings. I was envious that they get to hang out together, whereas I get to hang out with my family only. Furthermore, I felt sorry for myself 'coz no one even bother to invite me to join them whenever they go to the mall or chillax in some classmate's house. Even if I wanna join them, either I don't think my parents will give their permission or I might just feel "out of place" 'coz I don't drink or smoke. Also during this time, I was mostly a homebody because I can no longer endure how the kids from our neighbouring houses constantly tease me for being such a wimp and a weakling when it comes to games.

Isn't it crazy..?

Being a music chart follower, I've noticed how this band has been faring well in provincial radio countdowns (Monster Radio, Killerbee, etc.). And I'm hoping that 2010 will introduce them to the Manila crowd. Anyway, I love this song and I think this is the adult-flavoured counterpart of "Future Love".

Title: Crazy

Artist: Stars Go Dim

Album: Love Gone Mad

Isn't it crazy
How life slips right into your life
Forces everything else to the side
Fall in love at a glance, and that's alright

Isn't it crazy
How we never felt so alive
Until your world collided with mine
Trade love for a chance, that's alright

I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by
That I need you forever when your eyes met mine
I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name
You'd be the beauty in my life, always

I never knew I could love someone
Never knew I could feel so complete
After all is said and done, our love will still be holding up strong
I'd give all I have for love, that's alright

I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by
That I need you forever when your eyes met mine
I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name
You'd be the beauty in my life, always

After all we have each other
Nothing can hold us back from all
that this life has put in our path
We will survive

I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by
That I need you forever when your eyes met mine
I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name
You'd be the beauty in my life, always



The lines in bold, there's a part of me that longs to see that happen in my life. Will it be realised this 2010? Abangan, the year is still an infant. ;)