Eargasm

I'm eagerly looking forward to the next album of these musical acts. Each of them has at least a track included in the "soundtrack" to my past overseas experiences, the most exciting chapter of my life before I finally accepted my sexuality. While waiting for their albums to finally get serious spins in my iPod, allow me to reminisce through my all-time fave song from these groups.

MGMT is a Grammy nominated American musical duo based in Brooklyn, New York, consisting of Ben Goldwasser and Andrew VanWyngarden. Their new album, Congratulations, will be released on April 13, 2010. (Wikipedia)



Coheed and Cambria is an American rock band from New York, formed in 1995. The band incorporates aspects of progressive rock, punk rock, heavy metal and post-hardcore. They recently finished their fifth studio album Year of the Black Rainbow, with a confirmed release date of April 13, 2010. (Wikipedia)



LCD Soundsystem is the musical project of American producer James Murphy, co-founder of dance-punk label DFA Records. The group's style is a mix of dance music and punk, along with elements of disco and other styles. On February 23rd, the official LCD Soundsystem website announced that the album had been completed. Neither a title nor cover art have yet to be announced. (Wikipedia)



Arcade Fire is an indie rock band based in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, and fronted by the husband and wife duo of Win Butler and Régine Chassagne. The band are very close to completion of their third album, due for release mid-to-late summer of 2010. (Wikipedia)



Jimmy Eat World is an American alternative rock band from Mesa, Arizona, formed in 1993. The band is composed of lead vocalist and guitarist Jim Adkins, guitarist and backing vocalist Tom Linton, bassist Rick Burch and drummer Zach Lind. There is unconfirmed report that they are planning on releasing their new album sometime in 2010. (Wikipedia)

"Nanay"

Ilang weeks pa lang ako sa mundong ito nang kunin nyo ko sa mga magulang ko para ikaw ang mag-alaga sa 'kin. Noong time na yun, isang taon pa lang kasal sina Mom and Dad at medyo nangangapa pa sa buhay bilang mag-asawa at mga magulang. At tradisyon daw sa side ninyo na ang panganay na anak ay lumalaki sa kalinga ng lolo't lola. Kaya pala si Ninong (kuya ng Dad ko) eh sa Bulacan hanggang noong nagtapos siya ng high school.

Sabi mo, ako ang pinaka-spoiled na bata noong panahon na 'yun. Tuwing Linggo ay pinapasyal ninyo ako ng yaya ko. Kung saan-saan tayo nakakarating at nagagawa kong kumain kung saan ko gusto at madalas nga eh kapag nakakita ako ng Jollibee, sabi mo pagpipilitan kong bumaba tayo para kumain dun kahit na alanganin ang lokasyon. Tapos di ko naman halos gagalawin yung pagkain. Noong 4th birthday ko, pinaghanda ninyo ako ni Tatay sa Jollibee somewhere sa Taft at niregaluhan pa ng malaking sidecar.

Nakwento mo rin kung gaano karaming bote ng Johnson's baby powder ang kinalat ko sa sahig ng bahay ninyo dati sa Tondo. At kung ilang beses din akong nahulog sa hagdan dahil sa sobrang kalikutan ko. Dahil dyan, andami kong bukol. Grabe, bata pa lang ako, may katigasan na ang ulo ko.

Pero despite my being a brat, hindi ka nagkulang sa pag-aalaga sa 'kin. Ikaw ang nag-instill sa akin ng kahalagahan ng edukasyon sa murang edad. Araw-araw noong preschool ako, ikaw ang naghatid at sumundo sa akin sa eskwelahan. Pinagmamalaki mo ko sa mga parents at guardians ng mga kaklase ko kung gaano ako katalino. Nakwento mo rin na may isang exam noong Nursery ako na napa-office tayo pareho. Kasi ine-explain pa lang ng teacher yung instructions, sumasagot na ko sa exam. Akala tuloy eh may leakage. Napahiya natin sila noong nasa office tayo, kasi pinabasa ako ng lahat ng nakapaskil sa pader at nabasa ko sila nang maayos. Kung alam lang nila kung ilang libro, dyaryo at komiks ang pinababasa mo sa kin mula noong 3 years old pa ko. Tapos, naalala ko noong Prep ako na pinagalitan mo ko kasi ang laki masyado ng sulat ko at pinagpractice mo ko ng pagsulat nang maayos. Salamat sa 'yo at masasabi kong matino ang penmanship ko.

Andami mong sakripisyo para sa 'kin. Isang taon din tayong di kinibo nina Mom and Dad kasi ayaw kong sumama sa kanila pabalik sa 'min noong nagtapos na ko ng Nursery. Ilang beses mo rin akong pinangaralan dahil sa kakulitan at katigasan ng ulo ko. At noong bumalik na ko sa 'min after Preschool, di mabilang ang pagkakataon na hinatid-sundo mo ko para lang mag-spend ng weekend sa inyo. Kaya ka siguro nagka-arthritis dahil sa 'kin.

Ngayong nakatapos na ko ng pag-aaral, aaminin ko na di na kita gaanong nabibigyan ng atensyon, kung kelan mas napalapit na bahay nyo sa 'min. Once a month, natutulog nga ko sa inyo pero di rin kita halos nakakasama kasi gabi na rin ako nakakatuloy sa inyo and mas ginugugol ko ang oras na mag-surf sa net. Nagi-guilty rin ako, lalo na't alam ko ang realidad na hindi na rin gaano katagal ang ilalagi ninyo sa mundong ito.

Ngayong kaarawan mo, gusto kong sabihin at ipadama sa 'yo kung gaano kita kamahal. Malaki ang iniambag mo sa buhay ko. Maaaring naging spoiled ako noon (and siguro hanggang ngayon hahaha), pero malaki ang kontribusyon mo kaya masasabi kong matino naman ang tinatakbo ng buhay ko sa ngayon. At bilang ganti, sisikapin kong ibigay ang pagpapahalagang nararapat para sa 'yo. Mahal kita, Nanay and happy birthday sa 'yo.

[QUIZ] What type of man turns Icy Flame on?

Your result for The What type of MAN turns you on Test...

Action movie star

You scored 55% masculine, 53% athletic, 64% exotic, and 63% refined!

You love a manly man and you don't have time for boys. You like someone who looks exotic and who takes care of his body and hygiene. That is a good idea in case you are trying to eat jello shooters off of his beautiful 6 pack. Someone like.....Jean-Claude Van Damme, Belgium's hottest export. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

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What the heck?! Like Van Damme is so B-rated! LOL.W

Time first!

Let's take a break from my melancholic posts and have a gulp of Dick. LOL.

You got me

I liked you at first sight. Your seemingly quiet and child-like ways got me. Really got me. Despite my obvious imperfections, I found at least for a time a reason to go beyond those personal issues and found someone who gave me a reason to smile even without words being exchanged. Too bad, I was never able to profess my feelings to you. I easily let fear, intimidation and all those monsters creep in. More importantly, I realised that I don't wanna be a dead weight to you, as I was somewhat aware of your state at that time.

You never had an idea how you made me shed tears uncontrollably one time while conversing online with a friend, as I recount those moments - those might-have-beens. They may be just all inside my head, but I was affected nonetheless. Delusional, I seem to be. How can you ever like someone like me? I personally never experienced being told that I'm the object of her/his affection. And as much as I was fond of you, I didn't really expect such from you. But it's alright, I managed and will manage. I lived without those for 24 years and will carry on living. But who am I kidding?

I may not be a demigod in terms of physical features, but I'm no devil either when it comes to my ways. I won't pounce at the open door unexpectedly exposed to me. No I won't. I'll let you be you. You're young and I think you're intelligent. Go and explore your world. It's been made available to you. As for me, the next time I fall for anyone, I better learn to love myself first.

(Sitting in my Drafts folder since January 4, 2010)

P.S. I can say that I've "moved on" from this episode. Pardon my being immature and amateur at the same time.

Dear Kuya

Pst.

Ikaw sana ang naging kalaro ko noong bata pa tayo. Siguro hindi ako naturingang lampa at maski papaano eh hindi lang puro libro ang kasa-kasama ko.

Malamang pinagtulungan natin ang mga bullies ko sa school and sa street natin. Siguro naturuan mo rin ako maski papaano kung paano dumiskarte sa mga chicks noong high school kahit na alam kong noon pa lang eh may hindi tipikal na sa aking pagkatao.

Siguro ikaw ang naging guide ko sa pag-explore ng UP noong freshie pa lang ako. Tapos narinig ko ang mga kwento mo tungkol sa pakikisalamuha mo sa iba't ibang mga tao simula noong makatapak ka sa Pamantasan. Siguro kahit na lamang ako sa iyo sa katalinuhan, alam mong ikaw ang tinitingala ko pagdating sa kakisigan at galing sa pakikisama sa mga tao. Baka nga dahil sa pagiging open-minded mo, eh naipagtapat ko na sa 'yo noon pa na hindi ako straight.

Baka ngayon eh may sarili ka nang pamilya at may mga pamangkin na ko sa 'yo. Naalala ko tuloy na kanina, habang nag-dinner ako, sinabi ko kina Mom na feeling ko mas mauuna pa kong magka-pamangkin kesa magkaroon ng sariling anak. Hahaha.

Too bad, I won't get the chance to meet you - ever. Ganito na lang siguro, every time naiisip ko ang what might have been kung andito ka, I just experience inside the pain of longing - the pain caused by someone I never had in the first place. Of many things I wished for in my life, I would have wanted to have my own big brother and utter that powerful 4-letter word. "Kuya"

(Sitting in my Drafts folder since September 14, 2K9)

Desire..

Title: I Still Remember
Artist: Bloc Party
Album: A Weekend in the City

I, I still remember
how you looked that afternoon.
There was only you.

You said "it's just like a full moon".
Blood beats faster in our veins
We left our trousers by the canal
And our fingers, they almost touched

You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?

And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie

I've gone wherever you wanted

(I still remember)

And on that teachers' training day
We wrote our names on every train
Laughed at the people off to work
So monochrome and so lukewarm

And I can see our days are becoming nights.
I could feel your heartbeat across the grass.
We should have run.
I would go with you anywhere.
I should have kissed you by the water

You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?

And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie

I would let you if you asked me

I still remember

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Lukso ng dugo indeed when I first heard this song in NU 107 3 years ago. While this song is on repeat in my iPod, I can picture myself strolling through a place full of memories, yet I'm aware that those images flashing in my head will remain mere mementos of what have occurred. Bittersweet, aye?

I came across some articles saying that the lyrics is based on Bloc Party lead singer Kele Okereke's personal experiences as someone who desires another guy. While he didn't confirm anything about his sexuality, he just said something like "it's about desiring someone you can't really have". And in one particular article I read, I love the question he posed: "When was the last time you heard an interesting pop song that actually tried to give you a different perspective on desire?"

Be this bromantic or something more than that, you be the judge. As for me, I just love how the lyrics of this song gives words to those unspeakable feelings and yearnings I've been through before my self-acceptance. Right now, I can more or less concur that "there are alternative ways of behaving, of living one's life."

Sporadic thoughts

• I'm really more of a thinker than a writer. I just hope that my pen (or my keyboard in this case) can keep up with my mind, which is in a constant state of flux.
• There's really something about listening to British music that evokes this sorta nostalgic feeling, more like yearning. It's like I'm being drawn to a place I've never been to my whole life, yet feels like home for my wandering and restless soul.
• I'd rather be a shepherd than be a sheep, any given day. It isn't really much of a bother for me to take the road less travelled.
• "I am a very busy person, but I always have time for new friends." (Actually, this is a deviated version of a line from one of my fave tracks last year.)
• One advantage of being a late bloomer is that I'm able to maintain a sense of awe and childlikeness with every new experience coming my way. Hehehe.

"I'm still here.."

Title: World Spins Madly On
Artist: The Weepies
Album: Say I Am You

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.