Positivity

After a rather emotionally draining day, I just decided out of jest to take a long stroll from Ayala MRT Station to Legaspi Park then back (to think that my shuttle terminal is just beside the MRT Station). While taking that long route, my attempt to cry 'coz of many usual personal issues (trivial or otherwise) was in vain. But sometime during that walk, I just sensed something different, something comforting. Maybe has to do with the adrenaline rush, but whatever it is, I felt like I can think straight now. I just realised that these circumstances I've been facing, many of them are products of the mind games I play.

I'm kinda anxious of being with people in general, primarily 'coz of nagging thoughts that the other party already have a pre-defined negative impression of me or that I'm not worthy of his/her company. Let's see - I have this long-standing issues with my physical looks and how it affects my potential to be someone's SO sooner or later. For me, I still look too geeky and physically unappealing to be someone's beau.

I just illustrated how my thoughts shape my actions, responses and behaviour in general. In turn, these shaped how I interacted with other people and perceived myself. During that moment of "brilliance", I just realised (not for the first time, but maybe it's a bit vivid to me now) that maybe it's about time I reinforce my own thoughts. At the end of the day, I have myself as my own ally, regardless on whether I have zero or a bunch of friends.

Thoughts won't change reality as it comes and unveils itself, but I believe they'll be huge help in changing my outlook as to how I view myself and others. Allow me to share some positive reinforcements I came up for myself:

- I'm someone worth knowing, liking and loving. Likewise, someone out there also deserves to be known, liked and loved.
- Believe it or not myself, I make someone in the universe smile just by thoughts of me.
- Regardless on when or whether the SO will come, my ability to love is not defined by his/her presence in my life.
- I am handsome in someone else's eyes.
- There's someone out there who would be willing to trade shoes with me.

I may be verging on delusion with some of these "reinforcements", but I can say is that having been focused on  the negative side of things for one too many moments, somehow I'm still grounded on reality that things won't easily change. I just hope that whenever I feel down, I get even the tiniest boost of confidence and reason just to get going with life and all its hurdles.