I came to our meeting place making sure that we're both gonna be there and that the night won't end without me telling her those 3 words - "I'm not straight." It's like I'm putting a rope around the neck in the process, but whatever. I just sense that I'm now ready to disclose this part of me to someone. This may not be with my parents or any of my 5 younger siblings, but nonetheless it's with someone in our family.
Finally, we met over dinner. I barely touched the food actually and instead found myself stalling time. Akala ko ba handa na ko? Sensing that I'm veering off tonight's charted goal, I finally mustered enough courage to tell her those 3 magic words. Lo and behold, she told me to give her a moment to absorb what I just said. I found out from her that despite us growing up together and me sleeping over their house every now and then, she doesn't really know me and that it never occurred to her that I'm also into guys. What's interesting is that she started asking me questions, which I believe is a product more of an open mindset, than a condescending one. She asked me about my gaydar (told her that I'm improving, but I don't really use it hehehe), whether I wanna join her in the gym (told her if I have my way, I'd rather engage in wall-climbing or some similar sport) and about my friends. I promised her that I'll introduce her to some of my friends at some point and that I'll make sure that she's gonna meet my future SO. Hahaha. In turn, I told her that I hope to meet her boyfriend. Madaya, kasi akala ko di pa sila "legal" kaya ako naglakas-loob na umamin sa kanya.
We ended the night strolling around, then we parted ways upon arriving the terminal. For me, I realised that I was really happy when I finally confided and risked trusting on someone. One down, many more to go. For now, allow me to relish this night.
As you rightfully deserve. Coming out is never an easy thing to do. It is both a milestone and a double-edged sword. But eventually there will come a moment when acknowledging it yourself is not enough. One must share it, to embrace it.
ReplyDeleteI congratulate you on this. Because rarely do we find courage to own up to our relatives, much more to the ones we're closest to. Because their opinions of us matter most.
Take it in, relish it. Savor that exalting release of the knowledge that acceptance was yours for the taking. And let it be the strength that will feed your perseverance to seek out your other goals. :)
Congratulations! It's liberating to be out and accepted ayt?
ReplyDeleteGood for you, congrats!!! ;)
ReplyDeletecoming out will always be a continuous process. and it's good to hear that your friend was open about it :)
ReplyDeletecongrats! =D
Thanks guys for the comments. I have to agree, some of the burden (i.e. keeping this to myself) has been eased off me. It feels great to have opened up a part of me to someone, to choose to trust.
ReplyDeleteAnd indeed, this is gonna be a continuous process. In fact, I'm now faced with the daunting thought of me telling this to my parents later on.