Ikaw sana ang naging kalaro ko noong bata pa tayo. Siguro hindi ako naturingang lampa at maski papaano eh hindi lang puro libro ang kasa-kasama ko.
Malamang pinagtulungan natin ang mga bullies ko sa school and sa street natin. Siguro naturuan mo rin ako maski papaano kung paano dumiskarte sa mga chicks noong high school kahit na alam kong noon pa lang eh may hindi tipikal na sa aking pagkatao.
Siguro ikaw ang naging guide ko sa pag-explore ng UP noong freshie pa lang ako. Tapos narinig ko ang mga kwento mo tungkol sa pakikisalamuha mo sa iba't ibang mga tao simula noong makatapak ka sa Pamantasan. Siguro kahit na lamang ako sa iyo sa katalinuhan, alam mong ikaw ang tinitingala ko pagdating sa kakisigan at galing sa pakikisama sa mga tao. Baka nga dahil sa pagiging open-minded mo, eh naipagtapat ko na sa 'yo noon pa na hindi ako straight.
Baka ngayon eh may sarili ka nang pamilya at may mga pamangkin na ko sa 'yo. Naalala ko tuloy na kanina, habang nag-dinner ako, sinabi ko kina Mom na feeling ko mas mauuna pa kong magka-pamangkin kesa magkaroon ng sariling anak. Hahaha.
Too bad, I won't get the chance to meet you - ever. Ganito na lang siguro, every time naiisip ko ang what might have been kung andito ka, I just experience inside the pain of longing - the pain caused by someone I never had in the first place. Of many things I wished for in my life, I would have wanted to have my own big brother and utter that powerful 4-letter word. "Kuya"
(Sitting in my Drafts folder since September 14, 2K9)
haaaaay, may kirot
ReplyDeletesana mabasa ito ng aking 'kuya'
:(
i like this post. kakalungkot, nahipo ako hehehe.
ReplyDeletemarami akong kakilala hindi ka-close ang biological kuya, lalo pa't straight ang kuya.
marami ka namang pwedeng maging kuya, yung mga tapat mong kaibigan na pwede mong tawaging kuya.
cheers.
Thanks for dropping by @anteros and @PILYO and at least you got struck by this rather "old" post.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, I'm the kuya in my family and while I enjoy being one, I can feel a certain amount of pressure lalo na't hindi pa nila alam ang aking preference. I'm just thankful na I got out of "my shell" in time to meet other guys who turned out to be awesome friends and maski papaano napupunan ang kawalan ko ng kuya. =)
ALAM mo kung bakit ako na-touch?
ReplyDeletei lost a 'kuya' kasi, without me telling him how much i value him and our friendship
pero okay lang, moving on with life..
(nah, hindi siya namatay..drifted apart lang...)
Brothers are mentors, whether intentional or otherwise. We seek their guidance, and question their paths. If only to contemplate our own.
ReplyDelete@anteros Kalungkot naman yan. Pero good thing, you're now moving on.
ReplyDelete@red How true. Kaya I make it a point to learn from people na nakakasalamuha ko, and in the process parang andami ko na ring naging kuya.
hi.now ko lang napansin, nagbigay comment ka pala.well, there's nothing i can do but move on...
ReplyDeletei think there's no use in holding on kasi i discovered na wala namang friendship talaga in the first place. it was more of a one way thing..me to him...i guess if i was really important, he wouldn't do such things...